Karma
by iamtheloaf
Summary: Set during 65th Games: Illegitimate child of a capitol citizen, Reina was raised by her mother in District 4. When shes 16 her father gets permission to bring her to the capitol w/ him.2 yrs later she returns to District 4, taking over her now deceased fathers job, reading names for the reaping. But when her worst nightmare comes true on reaping, her small rebellion has big effects


**First HG fic. Woo Im nervous.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games if I did Finnick would be alive and well.**

**Summary: **Illegitimate daughter of a Capitol citizen, Reina was raised by her mother in District Four. When her father turns up, 16 years later, with permission to take her with him back to the capitol, her mother insists she go. Two years later she returns to her former home, taking over her now deceased fathers duty, reading of the names on reaping day. But when her worst nightmare comes true on reaping day, the tiny act of rebellion that follows starts something much larger. Takes place during the 65th games.

**Warnings: **um, none really. Nothing too intense. No violence. really mild Mockingjay spoilers at the very end.

also just a note- doesnt really affect the anything, but in the story tessarae in district four involve medicines and supplements instead of food, since they have plenty of food there.

* * *

The train pulls in almost exactly at noon. The sun is directly overhead, beating down on me, weighing me down in my too thick Capitol made clothing. I realize I packed without even thinking, I had been so distracted. None of what I brought is suited for the climate here, all sticky and wet and hot. I'll have to buy clothes here.

"Wow, you don't even have to drink water here. You can just breathe and it's like the same thing." Lydia says beside me, removing her scarf. She, along with four others, are in charge of setting the stage and filming for reaping day.

I smile. "I hope you brought something lighter than that." I gesture to her oversized grey coat. Lydia is the only Capitolian I know who cares nothing for fashion. Instead, she opts for comfort, which has led to an overall lack of social life and a rather sarcastic demeaner. Ive never minded though. I prefer her to the other witless wretches that inhabit the Capitol.

As expected, we recieve glares as we walk through the square. I must look so odd to them, clearly of their features, tan skin, light eyes, wavy brown hair, but wearing the long sleeves and leggings of the Capitol. Here in District Four, we prefer as few clothes as you can manage without being too obscene. Many women walk around in only swimsuit's and the men in only shorts. We are not a modest people. They paint us as a rich district, and we are, compared to most, but what we really are, is tacky. We are not nearly as rich as they lead others to believe, but we have been gifted with the materials to make us seem so. Everything is about what you can make others believe you have. We have many natural metals here, all of them worthless, but that doesnt stop us from pretending. The women wear tacky earings and shiny beads in their hair, but in reality, I know, they have nothing, the same as everyone else. Everything here is worthless, but we pretend it's not by making it shiny. All that glitters is not gold, but we do our best to pretend it is.

The square itself is the perfect example of this. The roads are paved with brick and painted yellow, but flecked with bits of metal to make it appear golden. There is a huge fountain in the center, carved of what looks like marble, but is really just limestone, of fish spraying water from their open mouths, and rising above all, the seal of the Capitol. The hotel we are staying at is the only one in the district, designated pretty much solely for reaping day staff from the Capitol and the very wealthiest Capitolians, who are permitted to take vacations here. Everything in this part of town is painted dark colors to hide the dirt and moss that grow on it. Across from the hotel on the other side of the square is the justice building, where they will set up the stage for reaping day tomorrow. This is the only part of District Four they ever show on TV, and there is a reason for that. When you venture into the city itself, it is crumbling, bit by bit. There are no materials to fix anything. Our only blessing is the sea provides us with a continuous flow of food, and even if the Capitol were to cut us off completely, we would never starve.

Them. I remind myself. Not we. Them.

They welcome us graciously in the hotel and take us to our rooms. I'm relieved to find no avoxes like those they have in the Capitol. My father kept one in his house as a servant, as many wealthy Capitolians do, and I could never find the nerve to look him directly in the eye for fear of what I would find there. I get enough blaming glares as it is.

"So this is where you grew up huh?" Lydia asks, coming in from her room next door. "it's beautiful."

"it's all a lie, but thank you. And no, I grew up at the edge of the city, by the cove." We would jump off those cliffs every day after working on the boats and swim into the caves below. To our secret spot...

Jamie. I wonder how hes doing now. He was so young when I left. 15, only a year younger than I had been. But still younger than me, as I always pointed out to him.

_"Shut up Nana, it's only ten months difference."_

_"Yea, ten months and three inches, short stuff."_

_"You know, every time you make a short joke it adds to your bad karma. One day I'll tower over you and youll have no one to blame but yourself."_

_"Uh-huh."_

I shake my head, clearing it of the past.

Lydia sighs. "Ugh, Id better get going. Weve got a big day tomorrow. See ya Rey." She says with the indifference only native Capitolians can manage. Lydia is as good as it gets but she is of the Capitol none the less. She can't understand. She never stood among her friends and family and wondered which one of them would die this year. She never prayed at her bedside that the reaping would spare the ones she loved. She never watched her ten year old cousin have his arm slashed off while he cried and begged. She didn't attend his mothers funeral a month later.

"Enough." I say aloud. "Geez, this heat is getting me."

"Would you like the windows opened, miss?" a male voice asks from behind.

"Wah!" I turn to face the intruder. I realize hes wearing the navy blue uniform of the hotel and my heart rate steadies again.

"Ah!" he replies.

"Arden?" I ask, and as I do I know it's him. Geneology did a wierd one on Arden. He has our features, tan skin, thick lips, light eyes, but his hair is an untameable mop of bright orange, unheard of in these parts, and his eyes are the biggest and most piercing blue Ive ever seen. I used to stare into them all the time, during school, and working on the boats. We were good friends.

He stares for only a second before his face lights up. "Reina! Oh! I can't believe it!" He jumps over the bed to pull me into a tight embrace. "I thought Id never see you again! Didn't you go to the Capitol to pursue fame and fortune? What are you doing back here? Not that I'm not glad to see you! Cuz I am! Really happy!"

"it's good to see you too." I laugh. "But I think youd be happier if I werent here at all. Arden, Ive inherited my fathers job."

"Your father..." His face falls as he realizes. "Oh."

"Yea."

Something hardens in his eyes, a hate of what I stand for, and an envy. I have nothing to fear from the reaping anymore. Not like he does, with three younger siblings. Hes my age, so this is his first year without having his name in.

Ten months. I realize suddenly that this means Jamie still has this year. His mother has always been sickly. How many tessarae has he gotten? How many times is his name in?

It's very hot but I suddenly feel very cold.

"Its been a long time. Why now?" Arden asks.

"My father died last year. They thought... if they had somone with a tie to the district... someone like me, it would add positive press."

Arden scoffs. "Do they think that'll change anything? Everyone hates them anyway, good press bad press, it's all the same."

"Shh!" I cautioned. "Be careful. You can talk in front of me, but a lot of other ears came with me. Best keep quiet in the hotel."

He nodded. "You talk different." He says. "More formal."

"Two years in the Capitol, my friend. Just be grateful I didn't come back with blue skin and dragon scales."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, scales are all the fasion now. People have them surgically implanted."

"That is the second craziest thing Ive ever heard. Geez, I'm almost glad I live here."

"What's the first craziest?" I wonder, sure I could top it with Capitol nonesense.

"Sending children to fight to the death." No, I can't top that after all.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I set off into the city not two minutes later, stopping only to change my clothes into something more appropriate. A swimsuit top and sheer shorts.

"Ma'am." A peacekeeper stops me at the doorway of the hotel. "I'm sorry, but you can't leave the hotel. We can't risk anything happening to you."

"What? I have to visit my mother."

"I'm sorry, but we have our orders."

Oh yea, he looks very sorry. "Please, I'll be back before dark!"

"I apologize, but you can't."

"Can I get an escort then, if you're so worried about my safety?"

"No."

"But- Alright. Thanks anyway." I smile and went back inside.

I find Arden on the third floor, trying to fix a painting to cover up the chipping paint beneath it. "Arden!" I called. "Hey!"

"Rey! Its been one minute. What's going on?"

"Do you have an extra hotel uniform I can borrow?"

"...Why?"

I grinned at him. "Important matters."

He reluctantly met my grin. "Well, I am supposed to cater to your every whim. This way please miss."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The walk to my mothers takes a long time. Normally, one would use the extensive canal system to get around, but I'm out of practice and by myself, so it pretty much defeats the purpose. The city is exactly how it was when I left two years ago, and exactly how it was when I was a child ten years ago, and exactly how it was when my mom was a child too. It doesnt change, it just crumbles slowly. Most of the buildings are painted in eye catching bright colors, reds and pinks and greens, if they're painted at all, which a lot aren't. To the left of me, someones balcony has fallen from the third floor and crashed to the ground. On what remans of the railing three stories above, a child sits munching on some seaweed bread.

Finally the city thins out and the jungle becomes more prominant. Not that it's ever not prominant. They tried to pave the city over, to suppress the green, but the green won. In the Capitol it's different, when you make nature do something it listens to you, but the tropics are untameable, and the green finds its way everywhere, trees, bushes, algae, theres no escaping it. And here, where it's more rural, it's even more pronounced. The path into the house is almost completely gone, taken over by trees and shrubs. As it is it takes me five minutes to find it.

The house itself, like everything else, is unchanged. It's one story, painted bright blue, with dirty white trimmings. All the windows and doors are open, as they always were, to let air in. I don't bother to knock, just walk inside.

As always, there are people over. I can hear them from the doorway. People of District Four are hardly ever at their own homes. There is nothing for them there. They live essentially by going from house to house and hanging out with other people. You just show up and they let you in. I tried explaining this to Lydia when I first got to the Capitol.

"But what if no ones home?" she asked me.

"Well, there's someone home next door." I told her. "Everyones doors are always open." It's a community atmosphere that doesn't exist in the Capitol.

"Mama?" I call. The response is immediate.

"Reina?" My moms head peaks out from the doorway.

"Rey?" Ociana, the neighbors little girl, comes next, holding hands with her sister Yasimi, who is so young she can hardly walk. When I left she'd just been born. I hug them both and pick them up.

"Reina!" My mother runs up to be and hugs me so hard it knocks the air from my lungs.

"Hi Ma." I manage. She hasn't changed. Short and stocky, and warm, and still missing two teeth. The only thing different is her hair has completely grayed.

She puts my face in her hands. "Oh, my girl. You're back! You've come back to your old mother!"

"Of course Mama, it's not like I was never coming back. I have to see you. Oh here, I brought things." I emptied my bag of the gifts I brought. Some Capitol food for them to try, and some clothes, but mostly it's medicine and vitamins, which are severaly lacking in District Four.

"Oh, you didn't have to." Mama says but it's said feebly.

"I did." I insist.

"I missed you." She whispers. Then she turns around and yells "Jamie! Jamie! Come, look who's back!"

"Jamie's here?" I demand.

She nods. "I have him looking after the garden. He volunteered since you left. He's such a good boy."

"What's going on?" I hear his voice from the back of the house. My breath freezes. I am not prepared for this. I can't see Jamie. I can't let him see me, how Ive changed...

"Nana?" He whispers. I look up, hes already in the door way, staring at me like he can't belive his eyes. He looks both the same and different than he used to. Tan skin, green eyes, strawberry blonde. Hes not wearing a shirt and his shoulders are significantly broader than two years ago. He must have been right about the karma too, while he doesnt _tower_ over me per say, but hes got a good two inches on me at least. His green eyes pierce me like a dagger. Everything about him hurts.

"Hey." I try to smile. "I'm back."

He smiles wide and grabs me into a hug, if it can be called that, it's more like a death sqeeze.

"You've grown." I tell him.

"You haven't. I told you. Karma. You look great, by the way."

"So do you."

Everyone sits in a circle, all eyes on me.

"How are you back?" Jamie asks. "I thought you'd left forever."

I can't meet his eyes. I explain how my father is dead, and they offered me his job.

"Why would they do that?" he asks.

"There have been bad sentiments between District Four and the Capitol lately. They thought having me instead of some stranger would improve relations."

"So Irving is dead." My mother says. "How? When?"

"Eleven months ago, he was already sick at the last reaping."

She nods quietly. "He was a good man. I know all of you can only see him as a Capitol reaper, but he was. He worked for 16 years trying to convince them to let us both return to the Capitol with him. Finally they let him take you." She sighs. "He loved you very much Reina."

"I know. He was always good to me." When I was very young my father would come to visit me every year before the reaping. I remember his silhouette, his voice. Then when I turned eleven he was no longer aloud to leave the hotel to see me. He tried to get letters to me, to send money and supplies, but they were never delivered. He should have known better than to entrust those things to other people here. Finally, his request to bring me back to the Capitol with him was granted, when I was sixteen. And that year, after the reaping, I was taken to the Goodbye Room with the other tributes, causing me a mild heart attack, while my father explained that I would be brought to the Capitol to live with him and his family. His_ other_ family. He explained everything patiently, and kindly. He told me he knew how hard this was, but I would be better off in the Capitol, and my mother agreed. They brought her in to say goodbye. There were a lot of tears, and promises exchanged.

"Wheres Jamie?" I asked. "I have to see him. I have to say goodbye."

"Family only." The hulking peacekeeper next to me said.

That's when I started sobbing. My mother promised she'd give him my goodbye, and my love, but she didn't understand. We'd never gotten around to telling her we'd gotten a bit closer than childhood friends. She didn't understand that he was the sun in my life. My other half.

The next few months were a blur of Capitol feasts, and strange fashion. My father was busy with the games for a while, and I had no friends, so I mostly stayed home, with his wife, Esmerelda, and their other daughter, Shina, a year older than me. Esme was a kind woman, to everyone but me, and I don't blame her for that. I was a walking reminder of her husbands unfaithfulness, and the fact that he worked so hard to bring me here could not have helped. I knew she was an object of gossip because of it. Shina was horrible in a different way. She was always kind to me, and so excited to suddenly have a younger sister. She would do make overs and gossip to me and help me with Capitol things I didn't understand. But she was so... _capitol_. Her skin was tinted green and she had scales inputted into her arms and legs and she just didn't understand. She couldn't. And the joy that watching the Games brought her... I could never look at her the same.

My father was the only happiness in my life there, and then he was gone. When they offered me the chance to come back here, even for only two days a year, even if I had to be involved with the Games, I jumped on it.

"So you're only here for the reaping then?" Jamie asks after a long silence.

I nod. Then I have to return to the Captiol and work with the tributes. We have training programs as part of our school, so we're better prepared than most of the other districts. But still. The odds are they'll both die.

"Hey Nana, how bout a swim?"

I turn to him like I've never heard of such a thing.

"A swim? Now?"

"No, tomorrow. Yes, now. The tide is down. We can go to the caves." The caves... I can go back into the caves with Jamie. It can be like old times. For just one day. Can I have that? Is that allowed? Just seeing him like this again is more than I expected. Going back into the caves with him, swimming together... I feel like that much happiness after so much misery is breaking some unspoken rule of the universe.

"Okay." I find myself saying.

"Ooh! I wanna go too!" Ociana yells, stripping down to her underwear.

"No, honey. Not now." My mom tells her. "Let them be alone. I'm sure they have a lot of catching up to do."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The walk to the cliffs takes no more than five minutes and we walk in silence. I can't stop looking at him, I'm sure hes noticed. My heart has been on overdrive for so long I'm sure it's a matter of seconds before it gives out, but it doesn't. It keeps beating. And we keep walking.

The cliffs are beautiful and familiar. If you walk down the coastline to our left youll eventually get to the beach, and if you keep walking after that, the harbor, where all the boats are kept when they're not out fishing. To our right the cliffs are even higher and if you walk that way for less than a mile youll reach the electrified gate that marks the end of District Four.

Jamie grins at me. "Brings back memories."

I nod.

"Wanna jump in together?" He asks.

"No." I say. "Not from here. Lets jump the Plank."

He raises his eyebrows. "You sure? Its been a long time since you went cliff diving."

"I'm sure."

He shrugs and follows me. The Plank is a higher cliff that's named that way for the way it's shaped. Its got two rocks to either side of it, and in between them is a perfectly flat path right off the cliff, like walking the plank.

When we get there I strip off my hotel uniform and leave it there. I look down to the ocean. it's a solid 80 foot drop. There's no coast in the Captiol and many of the citizens there fear the sea. But for me it's home. Breathing in the salty air is giving me something back that I never knew I was missing.

"Last one in has to cook dinner." I announce and then launch myself off.

"Wha-? Nana!" Jamie follows less than a second later but I still hit the water first. It's cold and Ive never felt anything more wonderful.

"Looks like you're cookin." I say when I come up.

"That was cheap."

"Don't hate cuz you're slow." I splash him and he returns the favor. I'm surprised theres no one else here. Theres really not much else to do in District Four for entertainment besides cliff diving and swimming.

"C'mon." He gestures to the caves that the water has carved out of the cliffs. I follow him inside. I'd forgotten how dark it is inside, with the only light coming from the mouth of the cave. The only land is all the way back, twenty or so feet inside, there's a small shore. We sit side by side.

"So how are you?" he asks after a minutes uncomfertable silence. "Got a hot Captiol boyfriend yet?"

I stare at him.

"Sorry. I meant for that to be more subtle."

"No. No hot Captiol boyfriend."

"Ugly Captiol boyfriend?"

"No boyfriend!" I splash him. How can he even ask that? Doesn't he know hes the only one I've ever loved?. "How bout you? Hot District Four girlfriend?"

"Nah. I had one. But she left." My heart freezes for a second before I realize hes talking about me.

"Jamie..." I start. "I'm so sorry it has to be like this. I wanted to see you before I left but they wouldn't let me...!"

"I know. It's ok. You're mom told me your goodbyes."

"Ive missed you so much." I tell him, unable to keep it inside. I'm not used to holding my tongue around Jamie.

"Yea. Me too. But the Captiol's better right? It's good?" His face falls. "What? What's wrong?"

"I'll sound spoiled."

At this he laughs. "Since when have you cared how you sound around me?"

I laugh too. "Fair point." I say. "I hate it there. I have food and clothing and jewels and I hate everything and everyone. My father was the only one who made anything worth while and now hes dead. I'm stuck in that house with no friends besides Shina and shes the worst example of the Captiol! Her _ignorance_! You can't even imagine Jamie! They tell them_ nothing_! They think living in the districts is all fun and games! Do you know Shina once told me she wished she lived in District Twelve because 'they're all so thin there'? They love watching the Games! And Esmerelda, my fathers wife, she hates me. Understandably, but still. She loves to see me miserable. Always finds an excuse that I should stay inside, not meet anyone. The only friends I have are the ones I work with and we have to work on the Games together. God Jamie, _I work for the Games._ I just... they offered it to me and it was the only way to come back. I couldn't stay there." My sobs echo through the caves, amplified. I hate myself for crying in front of Jamie, especially today. He has to face the reaping tomorrow. He shouldn't be here listening to my complaints of the Captiol.

"Sounds like hell." he tells me sincerely. He grabs my hand and holds it to him. I lose whats left of my self control pretty much leap on top of him and he holds me, stroking my hair until I quiet.

"I'm sorry." I finally say. "I just... Ive never told anyone that."

"It's okay, Reina. Thats what best friends are for." Best friends. It shouldn't hurt but it does. It's been two years, I should be grateful he still considers me that way.

I smile at him. "Thank you. For everything."

"Of course, Nana. Geez, stop being so nice and grateful, it's wierding me out."

"Sorry."

"Yea, you better be."

I slap him upside the head.

"Thats more like it." He smiles.

"Hows your mom? Hows Risa?"

It takes him a second. "Hm? Oh uh, Sis is good, she got a job teaching at the school, and mom is good too. Hasn't had an episode in almost a year."

"That's great. I brought vitamins and medicine for her too. My mom has it."

"Thanks. That'll make her year, not having to worry about buying those."

"The tide is rising." I notice. The water is lapping at my toes, when five minutes ago it was a foot away.

"We should leave in a few minutes."

"I don't want to."

"Would you rather drown?"

"Almost." I admit.

"Yea well, too bad. I'm not gonna let you drown."

"I almost did drown in here once. Remember?" I came up in the wrong spot and hit my head on a stalagmite. I passed out in the water. When I woke up Jamie had dragged me to the beach and recesatated me. "You gave me CPR. You saved my life."

"Yea well, you've saved my life before too. You jumped in after me when I fell off the boats that one time."

"You weren't drowning."

"No, but if I was you would have saved me."

"Yea I would." I agree. "I would do anything to save you." I admit.

"I thought the same thing about you. But I couldn't stop them from taking you." He looks down.

"Stop it. That wasnt your fault."

"I know. I hate the Captiol!" He yells and it echoes around us.

"Someday, they'll get what's coming to them." I say. "Imagine how bad their karma is."

He turns to me suddenly. "I love you, Reina. I was going to tell you after the reaping that year, but you were already gone. And I know it's been two years, and things have changed, but we've never kept anything from each other before, so I gotta put it out there."

"I love you, too." I manage. "Always have." Always will.

He laughs in relief. "Seriously?"

"Of course, idiot."

"That settles it. I gotta be dreaming."

And before I can respond, he kisses me. It's cold in the caves, and the ocean is up to our knees, but suddenly I'm very, very warm. The kiss starts off fast and desperate, and kind of sloppy, but it slows. I want to stay here forever, kissing Jamie. I want to let the tide come in and just wash me away.

"We should go." He says against my lips when the water has reached our waists.

I nod, unable to speak.

We leave the cave and swim to the cliffside where stairs have been carved in and the whole time my head is swimming. I feel so complete here. How I can I return to the Captiol after this? How can I leave him again?

The sun is already going down, the sky is streaked with reds and oranges. I have to get back to the hotel before they notice I'm missing, but I can't seem to make myself go.

Jamie makes dinner while my mom and I catch up. I lie to her, tell her how much I like the Captiol and everyone is so nice and kind. She seems appeased. I ask her how everyone is here and she lies to me, tells me everyones well when I know theyre not.

I can feel tomorrow growing closer every second. Less than 24 hours until I have to read the names of two children and send them to their deaths. I wonder what that'll do to my karma.

I don't talk much during dinner, I can't, I'm too distracted. But i try to smile at the right times and give the appropriate reactions. Jamie holds my hand under the table, keeping me grounded.

"Rey? Rey are you listening to me?" Ocianas shrill voice snaps me out of daydream, or nightmare rather, watching my father on the stage, waiting for him to call the name of a loved one, or even my own.

I turn to Ociana, whos deeply involved in a tale shes been telling for at least half an hour, about some boy she likes.

"Hm? Yea, I'm listening."

"No you're not! You've been staring out the window the whole time!"

"No, no I've been paying attention to you."

"What's his name then?"

"Oh. Um..."

"Finnick Odair." Jamie whispers in my ear.

"I heard that, Jamie." Ociana glares at him.

"Okay, I haven't been listening. I'm sorry Ociana, Im just distracted. Say it again?" Look at this little girl, going on and on about her crush. She hasn't faced the terror yet, but next year she will. My mom mentioned shes already signed up for tessarae for next year.

She sighs dramatically. "Im not going to tell the _whole_ story again, but here's the deal. Finnick Odair is the most beautiful boy in the world and he's going to be my boyfriend. I know because he gave me a flower one time last week. He told me I had pretty hair."

"Oh? That does sound promising. You know, I knew Finnick a few years ago. I used to work on the boats with him." I do remember taking note of his looks, and then feeling creepy, considering he'd been four years younger than me, even if he didn't look it.

She gasps. "No. Way. Can you introduce us?"

"Uh, I don't know about that, honey."

"But-"

"Ociana eat your food, you've barely touched your plate." My mother chides, saving me from a response.

By the time dinner is over the sky is dark and I know I can't stay any longer. Someone is bound to check on me in my room soon, if they haven't already. I kiss my mom goodbye, and even cry a little, promise I'll come back next year and tell her that I love her so much. I say goodbye to little Ociana too, whos not quite ready to forgive me for spacing out during her shocking tale of romance.

Jamie walks with me until we reach the street where his house is.

"Well I guess this is it. Until tomorrow morning." I say.

He makes a face. "I guess so." He kisses me softly and then stands in front of me, not moving. "Um, I don't seem to be able to walk away. I think I'm physically incapable of leaving you."

I laugh and press my forehead to his, prolonging our parting for as long as I can.

"C-can you stay the night with me?" He asks quietly.

I shake my head. "No. They'll notice I'm gone. But... you can come back to the hotel with me." I'm sure Arden will help sneak him in and out.

He kisses me again, smiling slightly. "Okay." he says and I am wondering if theres a limit on the happiness you can feel in one day.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The next day goes intolerably fast. I leave Jamie in the morning with a note explaining how Arden will help sneak him out and also lend him a shirt for the reaping, since he only has yesterdays clothes, and tell him that I'll find a way to meet with him after the reaping is over. I'm determined not to let it end this way. I don't deserve the happiness of being with him. I know my karma is in the tubes, but maybe Jamies good karma will help balance it out. I have to get up at 5am to give the stylists enough time to make me acceptable to Captiol citizens eyes. I also ask them for an anxiety reducer, but they say the can't risk it, since theres a chance of making me confused and drowsy, and I need to be alert and excited for the reaping.

Lydia and her crew have transformed the square. They have the stage covered in a red cloth so that it doesnt show the rotting wood beneath, and all the floor of the road has been polished and cleared of algae, so the entire square shines of fake gold. The fish statue has been polished as well, the Captiol seal looks down on me, gleaming white. All the sound equipement is in place, the podium where I will stand in two hours, destroying lives as the Captiols puppet.

They start to show up an hour before the designated reaping time. Girls on the left, boys on the right, twelve to a row. I wait on the side of the stage, just out of sight, keeping an eye out for Jamie, but before long the crowd is too thick and I can't find him.

_Will it ever stop?_ I wonder. _How did it come to this? That the Captiol kills our children and we can do nothing to stop it? Instead I stand on this stage, helping them do it._

The sylists put their last touches on my hair and direct me to the stairs. I have less than a minute left now. I start scanning the crowd frantically, looking for Jamie, but it's useless.

Lydia raises her hand to get my attention. I can feel my heart beat in my finger tips. I'm so scared. Why would I take this job? Was the Captiol that horrible? Yes. But worse than this? They'll all recognize me. They'll all hate me.

In less than a minute I have to send someone to die. Two children. I can't do it. But it doesnt even matter that I can't.

_If it's not you doing it, it's someone else. If you refuse to read the names, so what? They'll just cut out your tongue and send someone who can._

But I still can't do it.

But I have to. Lydia holds her hand up again and counts down with her fingers. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. She points to me. The light shines my way. Show time.

-.-.-.-.-.-

I climb the stage steps with surprising grace, considering my heels. I'm dressed in Captiol fashion. I convinced the stylists to leave my eyes and complexion be, but my hair is up in a strange do that involves braids in every direction and I have spikes coming out of the shoulders of my skintight leather suit, bedazzled with jewels and metal beads. The tropics is no place for black leather, if this isn't done in five minutes I'll probably have a heat stroke.

I take one deep breath, and give the camera my best smile. "Welcome!" I start my script. "To the 65th annual hunger games! To all potential tributes out there, good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!" Forget five minutes. I feel sick already. I'm not going to make it. The spotlight is in my eyes. I try to make out the faces on the boys side, if I can find Jamie. See his face, maybe I can make it thorugh this. But the lights are too bright, I can't see anything.

"As always, ladies first!" I call. I close my eyes and reach deep into the jar. Please don't be anyone that I know. I chant over and over in my head. Please don't be anyone. Even though thats impossible.

I snatch one slip from the bottom and unfold it. The relief is impossible to hold in, a strangled noise comes out of me, but I fake a cough to cover it. I have no clue who this poor girl is. With an unnaturally steady voice, I read her name. "Tarla Devone."

Someone on the girls side collapses, a little one with brown hair to her waist. They have to carry her to the stage, sobbing the whole way. She can't be older than twelve. In the crowd, her parents scream, but the peace keepers quickly silence them.

They place her next to me. I try to give her some look of encouragement, but all I can manage is something that feels like a grimace. The hate in her eyes when she looks back at me should not be possible in a child so young.

"Now the gentlemen." And there is a tremmor in my voice that I can't hide. Finally Ive adjusted to the glare, peoples faces are starting to make sense. I scan the rows, looking looking looking, but everyone looks similar. Yet by some miracle I find him, in the fifth row, staring at me. I'm shaking. He nods at me, encouraging. I can do this. I have to. It will not be Jamie. It's his last year.

I reach my hand into the bowl and snatch one out quickly. I unfold it and read the words. And then again, because I cannot believe it. For a second, the world goes black.

Jamie Lancaster.

How can it be Jamie? It's his last year, it can't be him, it can't be. Hes too gentle, he can't kill anyone. Hes mine.

A thousand things are running through my mind. The cove, Jamies whispered words, soft kisses, the smell of my mothers cooking, working on the boats after school, the ropes rubbing my hands raw. Next to me, the boy I would joke with, the one who was so pretty it defies logic. He was so young, but he must be old enough now.

Everyones staring. Ive been quiet too long. I turn to the microphone and say the first name that comes to my mind. "Finnick Odair."

The crowd is silent and I'm sure the mic can hear my heart pounding. Finnick is in the very back row. He doesnt fall to the ground sobbing like poor Tarla did. He walks with dignity and grace to the stage. I'm gribbing the paper so tight that my sharpened nails have dug holes in my skin. He shakes my hand and I can feel him trembleing. His good looks havent faded since we worked together on the boats, he must be the most beautiful boy Ive ever layed eyes on. I hope that will help him. He turns and gives the camera a winning smile, already playing his angle, and for the sake of my soul I hope it works because if he can win, then I havent sentenced an innocent boy to his death.

I turn once more to the camera. "Ladies and Gentlemen! Your District Four tributes for the 65th Hunger Games! Tarla Devone and Finnick Odair! May the odds be ever in their favor!"

"aaaand were off!" Lydias call comes from the back.

The crowd starts to disperse. Tarlas family runs to her, screaming. A girl rushes up the stage yelling "Fin! Fin!" but the peacekeepers drag her away, along with Tarlas family. "Annie!" Finnick calls after the girl while Tarla shrieks for her mother.

Two additional peace keepers climb on stage and start dragging the tributes to the goodbye room. Onyx, a stylist, congratulates me on a job well done. It occurs to me I should probably get off the stage.

"I am so sorry." I whisper as Finnick passes me, but I'm so quiet I doubt he hears me. As I watch him go I realize that this isn't over. I will have to be with him until the Games, coordinating events. I have killed him, but first I have to get to know him.

Jamie. I have to find Jamie. No. Not yet.

I look to the paper in hand, the only evidence of my rebellion. It's covered in blood from where my fingernails cut my hand. I look around to make sure no one's watching, then I put the paper in my mouth and swallow.

* * *

I quit my job the next year, and return to District Four, along with victor Finnick Odair. His beauty proved to be a more powerful device than I ever imagined. I know this does not redeem me, but it makes me feel better all the same.

It took me twelve years to tell Jamie of my crime. Only in the heat of the revolution of District Four, when the news of Finnick Odairs death reached us, did I tell him what I had done.

"How could you?" He asked me.

"How could I not?" I replied, lifting our little one up into my arms.

And then he embraced me, and I knew he, at least, forgave me. And I'm willing to settle for that

* * *

**AN: ok so i kind of like this one. If you review I will send you a free box of cookies. Not really, but you can pretend I did.**

**I based a lot of the culture and aspects of the city on Havana and latin culture and I think I did OK. Send me a message or follow me on tumblr if youd like. My url is iamtheloaf, same as here. Thank you I love you all!**


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